Can I outdream God?

"Now when you dream, dream so big, that God has to be the one to fulfill them" said speaker Dan Baumann during lecture phase of DTS. I recalled this as I walked the streets of San Salvador. I remembered how it took such a big miracle to even bring me here. A huge financial miracle, that I could not do on my own at all. It seems that sometimes God has to remind us over and over again. "My daughter, my son, don't you remember what I did?" He says, and we respond bashfully. "Yes, I rembemer" It's crazy how many times God does a miracle, and we forget how miraculous it was. I mean, I just think it is sooo amazing that I'm here, in El Salvador having all of these opportunities! One day my team helped in feeding 100 hungry children in a poor gang infested neighborhood, another day we got to paint a beautiful miral of a waterfall and mountains with a Psalm written above it for a school, another time we got to do the life house drama for prostitutes who were moved to tears with the knowledge of the power of Christ and again and again we get to share our testimonies over and over about the power of God's transformation in our lives. And yet, I still question God's might and power. Why? It doesn't make sense. I have so many dreams, to travel to poor countries, counsel prostitutes and trafficked children, to love on forgotten children and to disciple youth. There are so many places I'd like to go. God has given me a heart for latin American countries, for Europe, Japan, and my own, there are so many things I'd like to do with God. I've been praying a lot about what I should do in my near future, and when an idea comes, I take it to God and all I hear is, "Yes" from Him. This has been a bit confusing at times. Especially when I'm literally running out of money. Should money be an obsticle, when God did this HUGE miracle in getting me to Belize! Why do I doubt His power? His ability. Could it mean that God is going to take me to all of them? Am I dreaming too big? Not when the dreams are planted there by God. Not when I serve a God so big! A God who made all of these countries, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He is a God who has taught me, all you need to say is yes to Him, and He'll take care of the rest. It's that simple. It doesn't always seem that way though, and there seems to be so much learning I have yet to learn about God's faithfulness and trusting Him. So, I just want to encourage you all, whoever happens to be reading my blog, dream so big that it has to be God who fulfills them. This was said from a man who was inprisoned in Iran for 9 weeks, and God got him out in a miraculous way and now he is travelling all over the world touching people's lives for Christ!

Loving the least of these

For the past couple years ever since I heard a young woman share at my grandma's church about the work she does working with victims of sex trafficking and educated us about the realities of this harsh reality my heart has been burdened for those in the sex trade and child exploitation, prostitutes transvestites. I just can't get it out of my mind! My heart is so passionate to see women, men and children escape the trap! There are so many people stuck in this business and it is hurting so many. The moment I heard about what Rochelle Potter does working with these people groups, I immediately felt a tug on my heart and that maybe God was calling me into this kind of ministry myself. When it came to the choice of where to go for outreach, Turkey or El Salvador, little did I know that by God leading me to El Salvador that He was oppening wide the opportunity to do what I was passionate about. I've been on outreach now in El Salvador for 2 weeks now and I wondered if I might get the chance to share the love of God with them. I also, found out that the city where I am staying, trafficking and prostitution is very prominant. I was a little scared at first, but God immediately filled our team with so much peace, and I knew that He was with me and protecting us. One morning while I was jogging with one our my hosts from the El Sal YWAM base, she informed me that the very street we jogged around had prostitutes and transvestites lining it at night and my heart jumped inside. Partly out of sadness, partly out of hope that God would use me to work with them. The next day I lead the team in intercession for the prostitutes and transvestites, and the day after that I found out that we were going to have a chance to talk with them with our local El Salvadorians hosts. The first night we rode in the back of Fran's pick-up and just observed, and the next time we visited we went up to them and handed out cups of coke and bags of cookies! They knew who our hosts were and readily welcomed us! We even asked them if we could pray for them and they let us. I will never forget this one young woman who teared up when we told her how God loved her and I could almost hear her crying out inside to escape the life she had become so familiar with. What we did seemed so small, and yet it seemed to shatter skyscrapers of hurt and pain. But, from my knowledge it takes more than one visit to really build a trusting relationship with them to really go deep in conversation and get them to allow you to really disciple them. They all know in their mind who God is, but to really get to the heart is another story. I wondered how much good we really did, and as we walked back home I said to myself: "God, is this really doing much, or am I just kinda wasting time simply with coke, cookies and sweet little blessing?" The night grew darker and the city noises quieter and in the quiet I recalled the passage of scripture in Matthew 25. "As much as you have done to the least of these my brethren, you have done it to me."

Being stretched isn't the easiest thing!

A couple nights ago I lied awake from 10pm until 2am and couldn't sleep....Why? Maybe because I was sleeping on a thin mat on the cement floor, or maybe because I couldn't shut off my mind, either way, I couln't fall asleep very fast so I decided I should talk to God. Honestly I've been struggling a bit lately because I feel like I should be farther than I am, in maturity, discipline, confidence, etc. I just am a little dissapointed in myself I guess. So I decided to talk to God about it. "God why do I kinda feel the same, and struggle with the same stuff that I thought I learned a long time ago?" I didn't really hear an answer, but I felt like I should just think about the last 6 years, about what God has taught me and what He's done in me. I began thinking about all the things I did. From going to India, to being engaged and it not being the right thing, worked about 10 different jobs, lived in about 6 different houses, had times when I felt close to God and times when I really struggled in my faith. As I thought about my past, I started thinking about the present and as I did, I began to realize how faithful God has taken me through so much crap, and how over the past 6 years, the enemy has surely tried to do his best to distract me from the mission God has called me to. So many things ensnared me and took me off guard, and yet I'm here, feeling completely content knowing that I'm exactly where He wants me! I'm sleeping on the floor caked with sweat and dirt, hoping mosquitos and spiders won't eat me in my vulnerability and feeling a sense of joy, more than I've ever had before. And as I think about my circumstances, it doesn't make sense really for me to be so content! I mean I have to pump the well at least 15 times to get enough water in a bucket so I can take a shower by dumping buckets of water over my head, then I've got the lovely 2 inch long cockroaches grazing in the outhouse, no running water anywhere, and 11 people sleeping in the one-room church, 9 girls and 2 guys. It makes changing quite challenging for sure. Yet in the midst of living in such poverty, I feel that God is teaching me so much more about gratefulness! How much I was blessed back home, and yet was so blind to how well off I was living! One night we were going to a night prayer watch with the pastor who was hosting us. A pick-up arrived to take us there and there wasn't enough room for us to sit in the cab so 10 of us climbed in the back. Ok, no biggy. 10 in the back. But, as we drove down the dirt rode we stopped at several of the villagers homes and a several more people climbed in the back. What! I thought. 20 people in the back? I think God was enjoying shocking me out of my comfort zone, especially once 18 more people climbed in. I'm seriously not joking! We counted 48 people standing, in the back of this pickup. We were so crowded, that a couple of us had to ride on the roof. I never prayed so hard for dear life, that nobody would fall out! But it was pretty exciting, and I'm still alive. Don't try this at home, or you will soon have a crazy big ticket! LOL. Anyways, God is really stretching me. It's not all enjoyable, but I don't feel alone in this journey at all. I'm getting to love on people here in El Salvador, and He's teaching me charactar. But praise God, I'm staying in a nicer place now, with internet again, a bed, a washer and a flushing toilet, and I could never be more thankful for Him oppening my eyes to see what I really have!