Being stretched isn't the easiest thing!

A couple nights ago I lied awake from 10pm until 2am and couldn't sleep....Why? Maybe because I was sleeping on a thin mat on the cement floor, or maybe because I couldn't shut off my mind, either way, I couln't fall asleep very fast so I decided I should talk to God. Honestly I've been struggling a bit lately because I feel like I should be farther than I am, in maturity, discipline, confidence, etc. I just am a little dissapointed in myself I guess. So I decided to talk to God about it. "God why do I kinda feel the same, and struggle with the same stuff that I thought I learned a long time ago?" I didn't really hear an answer, but I felt like I should just think about the last 6 years, about what God has taught me and what He's done in me. I began thinking about all the things I did. From going to India, to being engaged and it not being the right thing, worked about 10 different jobs, lived in about 6 different houses, had times when I felt close to God and times when I really struggled in my faith. As I thought about my past, I started thinking about the present and as I did, I began to realize how faithful God has taken me through so much crap, and how over the past 6 years, the enemy has surely tried to do his best to distract me from the mission God has called me to. So many things ensnared me and took me off guard, and yet I'm here, feeling completely content knowing that I'm exactly where He wants me! I'm sleeping on the floor caked with sweat and dirt, hoping mosquitos and spiders won't eat me in my vulnerability and feeling a sense of joy, more than I've ever had before. And as I think about my circumstances, it doesn't make sense really for me to be so content! I mean I have to pump the well at least 15 times to get enough water in a bucket so I can take a shower by dumping buckets of water over my head, then I've got the lovely 2 inch long cockroaches grazing in the outhouse, no running water anywhere, and 11 people sleeping in the one-room church, 9 girls and 2 guys. It makes changing quite challenging for sure. Yet in the midst of living in such poverty, I feel that God is teaching me so much more about gratefulness! How much I was blessed back home, and yet was so blind to how well off I was living! One night we were going to a night prayer watch with the pastor who was hosting us. A pick-up arrived to take us there and there wasn't enough room for us to sit in the cab so 10 of us climbed in the back. Ok, no biggy. 10 in the back. But, as we drove down the dirt rode we stopped at several of the villagers homes and a several more people climbed in the back. What! I thought. 20 people in the back? I think God was enjoying shocking me out of my comfort zone, especially once 18 more people climbed in. I'm seriously not joking! We counted 48 people standing, in the back of this pickup. We were so crowded, that a couple of us had to ride on the roof. I never prayed so hard for dear life, that nobody would fall out! But it was pretty exciting, and I'm still alive. Don't try this at home, or you will soon have a crazy big ticket! LOL. Anyways, God is really stretching me. It's not all enjoyable, but I don't feel alone in this journey at all. I'm getting to love on people here in El Salvador, and He's teaching me charactar. But praise God, I'm staying in a nicer place now, with internet again, a bed, a washer and a flushing toilet, and I could never be more thankful for Him oppening my eyes to see what I really have!