I used to look out the windows of my coffee shop and my heart would groan within me, longing to be of more effect, longing to reach someone in need, longing to go, to touch lives and love on people, and so God in His gracious mercy answered my heart cry and sent me to a distant land, to a foreign place where I got to do just that. I spent 5 months in Central America. 3 of which I got to go deeper in relationship with Him and 2 of which I just practiced being the gospel, and meeting practical needs, like feeding the homeless and handing out clothes in slums, and it was exciting and amazing, and I felt so fulfilled knowing that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do, which was love people, but soon as the place got familiar to me I began to dream about the next place, and the next foreign land. I longed to travel all over the world and just shine my little light every where that I could, but God had to shake me a little and get my attention. "Joy, it's not about what you can do for me, it's about what we can do together." See, I use to always want to have my name go down in the books, have biographies written about me, and be known as someone who was just like Jesus, but God revealed to me, that even in that I was being prideful. I wanted to be recognized, and Jesus had to remind me that He is the one to be glorified. Not me, not you, only Him, because He deserves the glory, no one else. And it wasn't the easiest revelation for me. In fact when God showed me how I had this hidden pride, and how ugly it really was, it hurt. That was the biggest change God did in me. Showing me that I need to go about things with a completely different motive. A motive to bring more glory to Him. And I'll have to be honest with you, it excites me so much that God would use a flawed person like me to help get His work done, when He is so powerful. I feel like a little toddler who picks up a hammer and says "Daddy can I help you?" and even though that toddler isn't really doing much, every attempt makes his daddy so proud. God's showing me that I'm the toddler, but that doesn't mean that I should attempt to achieve things any less, in fact I should all the more, but remind myself that I can't build the house of God without Him, the Master Carpenter! (borrowed toddler story from Jason Upton).
Another huge revelation God gave me is that I'm a missionary, and that has changed my entire way of going about everything that I do. I used to think it was more about doing, but I've learned that it is more about being. No matter where I am. I'm a missionary. Now, God has spoken to me quite clearly to be a missionary here, at home, at the coffee shop, at camp, and wherever I go, and when He does send me to the next place, I need to be a missionary there. To have the concept of being here now. And the great thing is, is that I don't need to stress about it any more, because the more excited I am about Jesus and what He's done for me and can do for others in bringing radical transformation, the less I need to stress about what to say. For example, when you really, really like someone, you just can't help but tell the world. Well, at least I can't. You want them to meet that person too, because you think the world of them. And that's what I think about Jesus and I hope and pray that you do too!
Monday, June 27, 2011
I now know my Father like I never did before!
Jesus once asked the question to his disciples "if a son asks for a fish will his father give him a snake?" Only now do I realize the depth of that question. It's crazy that when i ask God for something, I am shocked when He actually answers it, but why am I surprised? Do I pour my heart out to God enough? Well, until the last few months, I honestly didn't really believe in God really inclining His ear to me or even really caring about my little life way down here, my little spec of space I take up in comparison to the vast universe which God fills and exceeds. But, on my journey in working on my relationship with God the last 6 months by doing a DTS, I met the person of the Trinity that I knew so little about: The Father. A perfect loving Father, who always sees me as His little princess. I have often over the years seen Jesus as the Bridegroom and the Holy Spirit as the evidence of my salvation, but I had little concept of the Father. I know, I've talked about this before, but I have just been marveling at how different I've felt since knowing this person of Trinity. A father who loves to make my day, a father who is a strong protector like in the movie Taken. I've always longed to have a father like that. One who would go to the ends of the earth for me, and do every thing in his power to protect me, one who loves me know matter how many mistakes I've made, one who would love to see me be happy, but at the same time cry when He gives me away on my wedding day. But, all the searching, the pining, the the groping and the fussing over not having a father in my life, I've finally come to know that I already have one. Just like the song God laid on my heart: "You are always good when others faulter, you're the best Daddy I could ask for, you are always there when no one else is, you are my best friend Jesus." And it's true! And my Daddy wants to tell the world how much He loves His little girl! He wants to spoil me. Sometimes, He has to firmly tell me what I don't want to hear when I'm walking in a path that is not the best for me, but He's there for me no matter what my status is in the world. No matter how many other people are. My Daddy is the engineer, don't be afraid!
Often when I've experienced God's love channeled through people, whether they were boyfriends, parents, family and friends, I use to attribute that love to the people, but now I've began to see that although yes, they are loving people, it's God who is the one who put that love in their heart. So before when someone who once "loved" me, didn't any more, I would think that it meant I was unlovable, not beautiful or not worth it, but now, I see the bigger picture: God shows His love through people, so even when they fail, they are the one's who fail, not God. God loves me no matter what. Now I can rest in that love. Because I can now say with confidence, that I've got the most loving, perfect, amazing Dad in the whole wide world, and He loves you to, so if you do not know Him like I do, I encourage you to just sit at His feet, open His Word and read in 1st John, or ask me or someone else to tell you more about this Father we know. A father who is unchanging and never brakes His word, and He is sorry for any bad father figures out there, because that was never His intention. Jesus Christ, Abba Father, Holy God, Wonerful Counselor and Everlasting Father, wants to be in a relationship with you and if you don't know Him very well, He's waiting for you to simply be still and truly listen, cuz He's got a love letter written for you.
Often when I've experienced God's love channeled through people, whether they were boyfriends, parents, family and friends, I use to attribute that love to the people, but now I've began to see that although yes, they are loving people, it's God who is the one who put that love in their heart. So before when someone who once "loved" me, didn't any more, I would think that it meant I was unlovable, not beautiful or not worth it, but now, I see the bigger picture: God shows His love through people, so even when they fail, they are the one's who fail, not God. God loves me no matter what. Now I can rest in that love. Because I can now say with confidence, that I've got the most loving, perfect, amazing Dad in the whole wide world, and He loves you to, so if you do not know Him like I do, I encourage you to just sit at His feet, open His Word and read in 1st John, or ask me or someone else to tell you more about this Father we know. A father who is unchanging and never brakes His word, and He is sorry for any bad father figures out there, because that was never His intention. Jesus Christ, Abba Father, Holy God, Wonerful Counselor and Everlasting Father, wants to be in a relationship with you and if you don't know Him very well, He's waiting for you to simply be still and truly listen, cuz He's got a love letter written for you.
Friday, June 10, 2011
In Hot Pursuit
I woke up, I was a little cold, and then I realized I was not alone in my bed. It took a bit for me to realize for the 4th morning I've been back from DTS that I was indeed not in Belize anymore. When I turned to see was in my bed, I realized that it was my former room-mate Hope. "Awe.....she climbed in bed with me." I thought, and then I realized that she was not in my bed, I was in her little twin size bed at the house i use to live at in Renton. I felt more hopeful, knowing that even though it had been 5 months we hadn't seen eachother, she was still a very close friend/room-mate. I was immediately excited and eager to start the day! It was Monday, I was back at my home country, and there were endless possibilites waiting at my fingertips. "What should I do today?" I thought. There was so much going through my mind. I'd been homesick for at least 4 months, and now I was home. But then, there was a little sadness that crempt into my heart. "What is wrong?" I asked myself. "Everything is going so well. I got to share my journey at Bible Study friday night, I'd been connecting with my friends, I've been embraced warmly and welcomed home by my wonderful mom, sister and brothers, and I'd met another special friend who I had been enjoying getting to know since I'd been home. I had high hopes for the near future, been hired as a camp counselor and I really didn't have anything to complain about, but I still felt a little sad and empty. Maybe I was missing the beauty of the Carribean beach, the people we got to serve and children we got to love. But, then it was like I heard a whisper and I knew it was Jesus. "I miss you Joy, come out with me." It made me almost cry, but I didn't I knew He understood, I had been busy, consumed with knew adventures, friends, family and fun. I wasn't really desperate for His help. Honestly that is how I felt. But in response to the whisper. I missed Jesus too. I'd been spending every morning in the garden in YWAM El Sal, or having a walk on the beach in Belize and talking to my Beloved, but since I'd been home, my commitment to have daily dates with Jesus kinda was pushed to the back burner.
That was it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew Jesus hadn't changed. He was waiting outside my front door, and lightly rapping on the door of my heart, saying "Joy, I miss you, but I love you just the same, and even though you kinda stood me up every morning since you'd been home, I don't care, and I forgive you, but I've got a great idea for a date this morning!!!!!!!!!!!" I got excited, it was 6am, but I bolted out of bed, got my running shoes on, threw on my jacket, was thinking about grabbing my cell phone just in case someone was trying to get ahold of me, when I realized that I no longer had a cell phone. But then I felt relieved and knew Jesus was still standing there as I opened the front door to let him in. He was grinnning from ear to ear. You don't need a cell phone Joy, because it's our date, and you have ME! That made me very content and happy and Hope just then came out the door and invited me to go jogging with her, but I easily said, that it was okay, and I'd catch her later.
Jesus and I ran down past the library and park and ran far down to the Cedar River bank. We had a wonderful talk, but I did most of the talking. I had a big question pesterinig me and I was dying to ask Him. So I finally did.
"Jesus, what do you think about my new friend? Should I be dating Him? Do you approve? Is He Mr. Right?" I was almost afraid of asking such a specific question of Jesus. I thought maybe He'd be jealous. But all He said was. "You're afraid, aren't you? You are afraid of good things? You are afraid to love? What if I told you he was and I'm the one who brought him to you?" I became very quiet. Maybe I wasn't hearing from Jesus at all. "Jesus, take him away if he's not the guy you want for me. If he's taking me away from you. I don't want him in my life. Besides.....I don't deserve this so soon, I don't have a perfect past. I don't deserve a guy this good." But then Jesus was standing next to me, whild I sat hugging my knees, watching the the fallen evergreen branches be whisked away by the cold rushing Cedar river. I peeked up at Jesus and He was frowning a bit. "Joy, you are my princess and you deserve any gift that I want to give you." I wondered what He meant by this. Did I meet the right guy, or perhaps he was just another friend that I needed to learn something from on my journey with God. I asked Jesus if He could tell me more, but He just kinda didn't say anything else, I knew that He just didn't want me to know yet. I knew that it meant I wasn't ready to know yet, and as I learned in Sunday's sermon, Pastor Seim said, "God reveals what you need to know when you need to know it." I realized that it wasn't my time to know yet. But, I still felt at peace, so I determined I'd just follow the path of peace. Respect my new friend, keep our new relationship pure, and continue to go after following Jesus where ever He'd lead me.
Then I looked up and right then a bald eagle flew right above my head. It nearly took my breath away. It was like a kiss from heaven and it warmed my heart. Then I straitened myself and with my surge of Holy Spirit energy and ran my heart out deeper into the beautiful Cedar River trail, my heart exploding with the reminder of Jesus' love fore me.
As I remind myself of that beautiful romantic date with Jesus Monday morning, it just makes me want to continue to go deeper with God and not let anything come in between us! Jesus is so worth it guys....and He loves you, created you with the desires in your heart and desperatley wants to fulfill them. Dream big, surrender everything to Him and remember that every morning you rush into the day without first reading His love notes to you, He misses you, but He will NEVER stop pursuing you and He's lightly rapping on the door of your heart, whispering your name. "Wake up my Beloved, I want to go on an adventure with you!"
That was it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew Jesus hadn't changed. He was waiting outside my front door, and lightly rapping on the door of my heart, saying "Joy, I miss you, but I love you just the same, and even though you kinda stood me up every morning since you'd been home, I don't care, and I forgive you, but I've got a great idea for a date this morning!!!!!!!!!!!" I got excited, it was 6am, but I bolted out of bed, got my running shoes on, threw on my jacket, was thinking about grabbing my cell phone just in case someone was trying to get ahold of me, when I realized that I no longer had a cell phone. But then I felt relieved and knew Jesus was still standing there as I opened the front door to let him in. He was grinnning from ear to ear. You don't need a cell phone Joy, because it's our date, and you have ME! That made me very content and happy and Hope just then came out the door and invited me to go jogging with her, but I easily said, that it was okay, and I'd catch her later.
Jesus and I ran down past the library and park and ran far down to the Cedar River bank. We had a wonderful talk, but I did most of the talking. I had a big question pesterinig me and I was dying to ask Him. So I finally did.
"Jesus, what do you think about my new friend? Should I be dating Him? Do you approve? Is He Mr. Right?" I was almost afraid of asking such a specific question of Jesus. I thought maybe He'd be jealous. But all He said was. "You're afraid, aren't you? You are afraid of good things? You are afraid to love? What if I told you he was and I'm the one who brought him to you?" I became very quiet. Maybe I wasn't hearing from Jesus at all. "Jesus, take him away if he's not the guy you want for me. If he's taking me away from you. I don't want him in my life. Besides.....I don't deserve this so soon, I don't have a perfect past. I don't deserve a guy this good." But then Jesus was standing next to me, whild I sat hugging my knees, watching the the fallen evergreen branches be whisked away by the cold rushing Cedar river. I peeked up at Jesus and He was frowning a bit. "Joy, you are my princess and you deserve any gift that I want to give you." I wondered what He meant by this. Did I meet the right guy, or perhaps he was just another friend that I needed to learn something from on my journey with God. I asked Jesus if He could tell me more, but He just kinda didn't say anything else, I knew that He just didn't want me to know yet. I knew that it meant I wasn't ready to know yet, and as I learned in Sunday's sermon, Pastor Seim said, "God reveals what you need to know when you need to know it." I realized that it wasn't my time to know yet. But, I still felt at peace, so I determined I'd just follow the path of peace. Respect my new friend, keep our new relationship pure, and continue to go after following Jesus where ever He'd lead me.
Then I looked up and right then a bald eagle flew right above my head. It nearly took my breath away. It was like a kiss from heaven and it warmed my heart. Then I straitened myself and with my surge of Holy Spirit energy and ran my heart out deeper into the beautiful Cedar River trail, my heart exploding with the reminder of Jesus' love fore me.
As I remind myself of that beautiful romantic date with Jesus Monday morning, it just makes me want to continue to go deeper with God and not let anything come in between us! Jesus is so worth it guys....and He loves you, created you with the desires in your heart and desperatley wants to fulfill them. Dream big, surrender everything to Him and remember that every morning you rush into the day without first reading His love notes to you, He misses you, but He will NEVER stop pursuing you and He's lightly rapping on the door of your heart, whispering your name. "Wake up my Beloved, I want to go on an adventure with you!"
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