I want to tell the world

I used to look out the windows of my coffee shop and my heart would groan within me, longing to be of more effect, longing to reach someone in need, longing to go, to touch lives and love on people, and so God in His gracious mercy answered my heart cry and sent me to a distant land, to a foreign place where I got to do just that. I spent 5 months in Central America. 3 of which I got to go deeper in relationship with Him and 2 of which I just practiced being the gospel, and meeting practical needs, like feeding the homeless and handing out clothes in slums, and it was exciting and amazing, and I felt so fulfilled knowing that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do, which was love people, but soon as the place got familiar to me I began to dream about the next place, and the next foreign land. I longed to travel all over the world and just shine my little light every where that I could, but God had to shake me a little and get my attention. "Joy, it's not about what you can do for me, it's about what we can do together." See, I use to always want to have my name go down in the books, have biographies written about me, and be known as someone who was just like Jesus, but God revealed to me, that even in that I was being prideful. I wanted to be recognized, and Jesus had to remind me that He is the one to be glorified. Not me, not you, only Him, because He deserves the glory, no one else. And it wasn't the easiest revelation for me. In fact when God showed me how I had this hidden pride, and how ugly it really was, it hurt. That was the biggest change God did in me. Showing me that I need to go about things with a completely different motive. A motive to bring more glory to Him. And I'll have to be honest with you, it excites me so much that God would use a flawed person like me to help get His work done, when He is so powerful. I feel like a little toddler who picks up a hammer and says "Daddy can I help you?" and even though that toddler isn't really doing much, every attempt makes his daddy so proud. God's showing me that I'm the toddler, but that doesn't mean that I should attempt to achieve things any less, in fact I should all the more, but remind myself that I can't build the house of God without Him, the Master Carpenter! (borrowed toddler story from Jason Upton).
Another huge revelation God gave me is that I'm a missionary, and that has changed my entire way of going about everything that I do. I used to think it was more about doing, but I've learned that it is more about being. No matter where I am. I'm a missionary. Now, God has spoken to me quite clearly to be a missionary here, at home, at the coffee shop, at camp, and wherever I go, and when He does send me to the next place, I need to be a missionary there. To have the concept of being here now. And the great thing is, is that I don't need to stress about it any more, because the more excited I am about Jesus and what He's done for me and can do for others in bringing radical transformation, the less I need to stress about what to say. For example, when you really, really like someone, you just can't help but tell the world. Well, at least I can't. You want them to meet that person too, because you think the world of them. And that's what I think about Jesus and I hope and pray that you do too!